to speak freely.

If you write a blog and no one reads it, have you actually said anything?

I've been described by friends as mysterious, by suitors as quiet, by family as independent. I have so many pent up thoughts so I am just going to let them explode via written word. So here I am, finger to keyboard, hidden behind a screen, letting out my thoughts.

I don't enjoy vulnerability. In my mind, expressing my truest thoughts takes trust, trust that I have lost little by little over time through different failed relationships. I found true love once and lost it. I've had important friendships be alienated. And little by little, I've closed up. I'm not introverted, I enjoy the company of people, but I am the 'good listener', 'the funny one', the one who never gets too close.

I keep my feelings superficial. Sarcasm has become my first language, quick to joke and slow to be sincere. I think people describing themselves as 'sarcastic' has become tedious but I truely believe my personality has been boiled down to sarcastic quips and situational humor, constantly drawing attention away from myself. Hoping that if I keep them laughing, they will keep liking me. Childish, no?

I've focused so hard on cultivating a career and becoming financially independent, I've ignored the fact that I do want to find love and fulfillment. Can someone who has spent the better part of her 20s single, skirting commitment, avoiding rejection, keeping life casual, have hope for more? Or have become so overly independent that I am too far gone for a functional romantic relationship?